remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
