is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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