apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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