Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
