Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize