all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
