Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
