Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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