my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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