Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
