im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
