I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
