yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
