he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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