i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
