I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
