good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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