i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
