I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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