who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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