Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
pop tarts are not kleenex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
