At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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