nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
