If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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