we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
