I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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