So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
