I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
