Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
