I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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