if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
