nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
COCAINE IS GR8
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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