Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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