It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
