Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
