yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
