I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
be right there i have to get my cape
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
