Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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