alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
