White coat. Heels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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