I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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