So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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