She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
