Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
