i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
