I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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