just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
