I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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