he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Even my vagina gasped.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
