grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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