There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
