i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
