Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
