Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
