what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
