Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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