I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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