i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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