when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
