he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
