Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
