I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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