So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
