you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
